Now Taking A Lover Read online



  Now Taking a Lover

  Michelle Toussaint

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2014 Michelle Toussaint

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

  ISBN 978-1511672436 

  DEDICATION

  To everyone who believed I could, even when I didn’t.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Special Thanks to Kimolisa Mings and Jamila George, my ever steadfast proofreaders/cheering section.

  Thanks for putting up with me guys.

  How it Starts

  Introduction

  What do you do in the face of betrayal?

  Anger?

  Rage?

  Vengeance?

  If you are Her,

  You take a lover

  Then another

  And another and another

  But who would think that in getting even,

  would lead Her where it did?

  Or that the path would be paved with

  Tyrone, Nate, Robert and James?

  Distant

  Don’t say it gentle lady

  Keep it in and sigh softly

  Speak only with your eyes and your body

  To his constantly turned back.

  Don’t say it gentle lady

  That you want him deeply

  To touch and taste you

  Sweetly holding

  Being present in that moment

  Don’t say it gently lady

  Don’t speak of the sacrifice

  Of resisting temptation

  Even when the evidence of his forays into passion

  Mark his skin.

  All while you are left wanting for his touch

  Don’t say it gentle lady

  Don’t speak those words that are brewing

  In your mind’s eye

  The confession of you ire

  Don’t make audible your longing

  For what is it to want alone?

  To not, yourself be wanted?

  Don’t say it gently lady

  Ugly words like Lonely and betrayed

  Like unrequited and unsatisfied

  It’s not your place Gentle Lady to be less than satiated

  On the scraps from Affection’s table

  Don’t say it gentle lady

  Because you’re not ready to be alone.

  Tell Me

  Tell me who you smile for

  Because your smiles don’t live here anymore

  Who captivates you?

  Wraps you in her spell

  And dances in your mind’s eye.

  When you look of into the distance,

  Tell me who you fell for in the moment I wasn’t looking

  In the time this went from a relationship

  To a hostage situation

  Tell me where your kisses went

  Because they no longer grace my lips

  And all the things that came with them

  Are sorely missed

  Tell me why I can’t leave you

  And why you won’t let me be

  Why you haunt my presence

  With romantic recollections.

  I’d love to have my lover back

  When you fall back from your stars

  Tell me why you won’t tell me

  Tell me how to do this

  Tell me why I can’t need you anymore.

  And then He said Sorry

  He told me heartily that she meant nothing,

  Her tender nothings, reciprocated by him meant nill,

  “See ‘cause he had been lonely

  And her most appealing quality was that she was needy,”

  And he proceeded to explain reverently that… you see,

  That she had peppered her rhetoric,

  With tender compliments and subtle tributes to his ego,

  Finally she had been so bold

  As to utter through lips blushed with loving smiles

  “I love you”

  And while he utilized the tool of any player’s trade

  And uttered the same,

  It was just that, a game.

  A soft seduction with no emotions giving it fuel

  But like a moth to flame or a fly to waste

  In his oneness he was attracted to this half thing

  That needed…

  For the justification of her being his affection.

  And he continued saying

  “See ‘cause baby, I don’t mean to call you cold,

  But you abandoned me,

  In your haste to give chase

  To a dream I never fathomed even in my sleep.

  I needed to be needed and you,

  For all your strength needed nothing,

  I was emasculated

  And she was too pathetic to notice that she was a stand in,

  A stop gap mannequin holding a place only you could fill”

  And in my mind it was so obvious

  How could this have happened to us?

  Maybe he was misinformed

  In the misunderstanding failing to understand

  That I needed to need, as he needed to be needed

  It was so profoundly uncomplicated

  It was ethereal and aesthetic

  Cause I had built my life a temple, a shrine to him,

  But in the building and the praising

  And the passionate communion of our fornication

  He had lost the crux of the matter

  That when his heart started beating in my chest,

  I became him

  Or more rather I became she who existed for him

  And with every lofty profession, every sweet nothing

  Every fear and insecurity,

  Every tear that soiled the trust between us,

  Filed effortlessly as they left his lips in his

  Folder marked “I don’t give a shit”

  He had killed us softly,

  But there he knelt in front of me saying

  “Baby I’m sorry”

  It could have been one or two, five or three

  All blended into a mural of verbal mental infidelity

  His saving grace for his abuse of me

  “I’m sorry”

  Now taking a lover.

  Seeking eligible male for sexual rendezvous only.

  Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:

  1-268-722-????

  Serious inquires only

  Tyrone

  The Meeting

  If he licks his lips again

  I will take him here and now

  I will decimate barriers of cotton and denim

  And whatever else he may be wearing

  Keeping me from warm things

  And smooth things

  And hard things

  And things crafted by the hands of the almighty,

  To please a woman

  If he licks those lips again

  Those cherry lips

  Full and firm and strong and plump and moist

  I will take him here and now

  I will discover the taste of caramel skin

  Stretched over muscle and sinew

  Heated by the sun and respiration

  I’ll taste as he moans and melts

  As I take him and make him candy

  If he licks those lips again


  I will take him here and now

  In full view of everyone watching

  No more talk of resumes and scheduled meetings

  Of qualification and availability

  No more civility

  In the making of arrangements

  That will end in heat and sweat anyway

  If he licks those lips again

  Like he don’t know that there is moisture pooling

  In intimate places

  A fragrant dew made for loving

  Content to flow without my bidding

  Because he keeps licking his damn lips

  The doing

  Let’s talk about raw heat

  Unbridled lust and sexual tension

  Let’s talk about hands roving flesh

  And hungry lips

  And skin on skin

  Let’s talk about It

  Let’s talk about the entry

  The deep intake of breath

  And satisfied groans of knowing that this is new land conquered

  A new path ventured all in the pursuit of pleasure

  Let’s talk about It.

  Let’s talk about setting a pace

  And the rock of the rhythm

  Let’s talk about the hard drive of hips like pistons

  And the meeting of base and clit

  Let’s talk about

  Riding out

  Turning out

  Screaming out

  In abandon

  Let’s talk about It

  Let’s talk about the moment when G spots

  Make G-forces

  White hot sensation blurs vision

  Coherence flies out the window

  And coarse vocalizations,

  Semblances of praise or encouragement

  Let’s talk about

  Those blue sparks that explode

  Behind lids cemented shut by the satisfaction on the horizon

  Let’s talk about It

  Or let’s not talk at all

  In the aftermath

  More than This

  There is more to this that the friction of bodies

  There is more to it than pants and moans

  And legs intertwined

  Or splayed or wrapped around hips

  There is more to this than

  The pressing together of precious things

  To bring about pleasurable things

  In near anonymity

  There’s just more to it.

  There is a missing in this doing

  That leaves the spirit hungry

  A hole in need of filling

  That makes it all so incomplete

  There is more to this than the meeting of lips

  The curling of toed

  The swaying of hips

  There is so much more to this.

  But what is it

  This something missing

  Missing in the kissing of bits

  Discreetly kissed for the love of indulgence

  There is a piece missing

  A soul gone missing

  There is more to this than just this

  Now taking a lover.

  Seeking eligible male for sexual rendezvous.

  Romance Unnecessary

  Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:

  1-268-722-????

  Serious inquires only

  Nate

  A Chance meeting

  There you are suddenly

  Just there

  Just us

  Just like that

  You say and I say

  A quip, your wit

  And I’m caught

  Just like that

  Like song and tune

  Joined together perfectly

  A symphony of noise

  Something beautiful in the chaos

  Simply that

  Just like that

  It happens in a whirlwind

  Of getting-to-know you moments

  Smiling genuine in unexpected moments

  Innocently intimate

  And inappropriately candid

  ‘Cause it’s easy

  You know?

  The way this is happening

  Unexpectedly comfortable

  Just there

  Just us

  Just like that

  Lay me Down

  “Now I lay me down to sleep”

  Let me lay you down,

  Let me rape your abundance with my eyes

  Raking sight over ass and hips

  and lips and tits

  Let me breathe you in,

  The scent of sex and your sweet things

  “I beg you lord my soul to take”

  And beg you will

  For the touch of experienced hands

  On your heated skin

  Let me trace the lines of my longing

  On the trails of your being

  Let my fingers explore

  And exalt like you have never been praised

  Let me read my brail tale

  Of bountiful breasts, and wide hips,

  Let my fingers dance a path of feeling

  Along the erogenous fault lines of you

  “If I should die before I wake”

  I’ll lead you to it,

  Follow the path my tongue will trace

  From the curve of your jaw

  To the peak of each tit,

  swirling pleasure around each tender nip

  Let me skim the sweet cream of your stomach

  On the way to the meeting of my lips and your lips

  The ones between your hips

  And end the journey in flat tongued licks

  Ending at the apex of your clit

  And there I shall linger,

  And savor your wet hot offering

  Your last as the little death takes you over, but is it over?

  “I beg you lord my soul to take”

  And take I will as it will be freely given

  ‘Cause your addicted now to the feel of my skin on your skin

  Of eager digits inside and upon and around your center.

  Has anyone ever taken such glory in your form?

  Kept you so well in their arms?

  Made you sing without voice

  Or painted the back of your eyelids

  With these northern lights?

  And when the day is won and all is said and done

  Has your body ever been left to hum

  The tune I hummed when your womanhood

  was my delicacy?

  “Amen”

  The end…the end of you without me.

  Dangerous

  He invited himself in

  Using everything I wanted

  As bait for the trap I set

  I set

  Made myself open to this

  Predatory creature

  For the want of being wanted

  I did this

  And it was good for time

  To be his obsession

  This one and everything

  To let him taste me

  I wanted him

  But obsession is a burden

  Too heavy for a casual lover

  For a weekend pretender at

  Clandestine loving

  I let me be overwhelmed

  Because he knew his game well

  And I had constructed the wed

  And trapped myself

  In the cycle of his

  Menace

  I allowed it to become real

  And I cowered in the dead of night

  Letting fear in for company

  Only to be a slave of caution

  Giving of my freedom

  To avoid what I let it

  This vicious stranger

  I had contracted

  For the physicality I was missing

  I did this

  And now it ends with me

  Now taking a lover.

  Seeking e
ligible male for sexual rendezvous,

  must be unattached and not seeking romantic entanglement

  Please forward photo and current certified STI/STD panel to:

  1-268-722-????

  Serious inquires only

  Robert

  Kindred

  I don’t even remember her smile sometimes

  It’s been so long since she gifted it to me

  I don’t know when she sent it into exile

  I miss it

  The smell of vanilla on my pillow haunts me

  It’s been so long since the smell was

  Mixed and intertwined with passion

  Swirling around us

  Intoxicating me

  A small part of the spell she would weave

  Even as she was impaled upon me

  And we heaved together

  Towards those lights

  You know the ones

  She made me see lights

  I miss them

  Now it’s sometimes maybe

  And then it’s cold and reluctant

  Why bother?

  Now it’s half hearted good mornings

  Awkward evenings

  And lonely nights

  With her right there with me

  I don’t know when the hearth died

  But there is nothing as frigid as the ashes of us

  And now there is him

  This new spark stoking the flame that went out for me

  And it hurts because

  I miss her

  I’ve said as much

  Done more than enough and still

  Still we are strangers in the passing

  Never crossing on the common ground of interest

  I’m just tired of this

  But I’m not ready to be alone.

  This Thing

  This will not be gentle

  This ain’t a love thing

  This will be a raw thing

  A downright dirty thing

  Raw and nasty

  The right kind of thing for the mission we are on

  This will be thing of

  Hard hands and battering hips

  A solid thing

  The slapping sound of bodies colliding over and over again

  Striving towards the purpose of explosive surrender

  Dragging us under into a cocoon of nothing

  Which is better that the world we walk awake

  It’s the meeting of tip and cervix

  Forcefully introduced repeatedly

  The thrum of the friction on alphabetical spots

  Causing words to catch for the lack

  Of breath to birth them

  Oh yes this is a dark and sensual thing

  This thing of brutality for the sake of satisfaction

  Or what semblance of it we can find

  This will not be gentle

  This will not be serene and adoring

  This will not be worship or a tribute to you

  This will be darkest of hungers sated

  This will be motivations set on by an evil purpose

  This will be a sin of the flesh

  Begotten by a sin of the heart

  This will not be gentle

  Not for us.

  Dear You

  Dear you,

  How would you categorize what we do?

  This vengeful thing we do

  For them

  Without them knowing

  How do we hold moral?